★★★★★
I work in customer service.
■ A UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED TRUTH — EST. FOREVER — NO DEBATE REQUIRED ■
This isn’t pessimism. This is pattern recognition.
We’ve run the numbers. We’ve reviewed the data.
The conclusion is unanimous and has been for some time.
*All complaints validated upon receipt. Grievances retained indefinitely. No resolution guaranteed. Community of commiseration provided at no extra charge.
“Hell is other people.”
— Jean-Paul Sartre, 1944
French philosopher • Reluctant people-experiencer • Verified by literally everyone since • Still correct
Empirically sourced. Peer-reviewed by everyone who has ever been stuck behind someone in traffic. The methodology is airtight.
* Statistics are experientially verified. Margin of error: ±however many people you encountered today.
I work in customer service.
The meeting could have been an email. The email could have been nothing. Nothing could have been better than all of this. I have not recovered. I am still in the meeting.
I asked for no onions. They gave me onions. I thought about it for three days. On the fourth day I was still thinking about it. I am writing this on the fifth day.
We cannot fix people. Nobody can fix people. But we can provide a structured environment for acknowledging that they are, in fact, broken.
A structured, time-boxed opportunity to describe, in exhaustive detail, exactly what they did. No interruptions. No devil’s advocacy. No “well have you considered their perspective.” We have not. We will not.
StarterWe confirm, in writing, that yes — that was unacceptable. Yes, you had every right to be annoyed. No, you are not being unreasonable. The validation is unconditional. The certificate is suitable for framing. The relief is immediate.
Most FiledEnterprise-grade people removal. We help you architect a life with a minimal human surface area. No unsolicited opinions. No group chats. No one stops by your desk. We call it the dream. Technically it’s a feature.
EnterprisePermanent, indexed documentation of everyone who has ever wronged you, said they’d call and didn’t, or replied-all when they absolutely should not have. Stored indefinitely. We don’t forget either.
EssentialSomething happened. Or someone happened. Or it was the accumulation of many small somethings over a long period of time. Either way, you found us. You’re in the right place. File your complaint. We’re listening.